Knots

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Transparency

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Transparency is both a wonderful thing and a scary thing. It can leave you feeling vulnerable yet let out a sigh of relief. It’s been in my nature to allow boldness to lead me when I express myself, and to let the worry come afterwards.

So to be transparent with my readers, I’d say this…

Moving away from all we have ever known has been a much-needed breath of fresh air, yet the hardest thing we’ve done. We’ve moved away from all our comforts, our routines, our connections, and the little house we poured our heart and soul into to make our own. Making sacrifices is sometimes the only way to obtain those things you cannot put a price tag on.

The much-needed breath of fresh air came with each mile we drove; further and further from the nonsense of jobs we loathed. Jobs that provided stable income, great insurance, and could be lifelong.

But those jobs were not us. Those jobs we left a month ago, drained us of spirit and laughter and left us eager to clock out at the end of our shift to pick up where we left it; with each other.

Luckily for us, we are quite compatible and love each other’s company more than anything. I think we have a pretty special relationship the way we both lift one another up and truly seek to bless each other with unconditional support of each ones dreams, goals and endeavors. I think it’s made us richer all along to have such a blessed friendship turned marriage. I can honestly say that I get to spend life alongside my best friend.

When I said “I do”, I meant it. The part for “richer or for poorer” never made more sense then it does now.

I’ve never been more financially poor in my life. It’s been quite a wake up call not affording some of the things I’ve become accustomed to, and at the same time, I’ve never felt more rich. Now, I have the one thing I felt all along was the best commodity anyone could have; because I never had enough. Time!

I finally, after years of working, get a taste at being a stay-at-home mom. I wake to my children and prepare a fresh loaf of sourdough. I am able to prepare intentional meals and do my loved from-scratch cooking. There’s time to read, to take walks, to play. It brings my heart such joy. Our surroundings are something out of Narnia with the vast rivers, forests, and wildlife. I do not take those for granted.

But of course, along with that, I wholeheartedly miss my friends, my roller derby league, our kids’ elementary school, our rad neighbors, and our amazing church. Nothing can replace those.

Why the move? It’s with life’s short season that I want us to die knowing we put our heart and soul into trying to follow our dreams and bless others by the gifts God instilled in us.

Yes, I believe he has our route all mapped out, and uses us regardless. But, I also think he knows our hearts and desires. Through happiness, sorrow, good times and bad, faith led us.

As faith leads us now, and on our tomorrow’s, I only hope that this time we have on this journey, allows us to grow more deeply as a family, more committed to one another, and allows our dreams to be fulfilled.

Because as the saying goes, life is too short. My good friend Jackie who passed away from cancer, reminds me of that daily, and it’s with each minute that tics away, that I attempt to use my time wisely.

Now, off to make peach galettes with cashew cream with my daughters. Glorious sun-kissed, vine-ripened peaches from the orchard. Recipe to follow. Peaches not included.

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Gard’s Goodbye

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Not much to post here in the ways of food lately. We’ve been super busy trying to finalize the stitching to our sweet home so that someone else feels super blessed to move into it. As a family, we have been living out of a cooler for well over a week now. On one hand, it feels like this rocky boat ride is almost over and we will soon set anchor, but I honestly think the boat ride will actually begin when we depart.  Really, what we have been doing for the last few months, is preparing for the ride; emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally.

In our best Gard efforts, we find this last week to be ultimately one that is both enjoyable and one that is full of accomplishments.  Nothing gets done by itself, and you must maintain being pro-active even when you feel like throwing your hands up in the air, and hiding beneath the bed to shield yourself from frustration.

We Gard’s wanted a lasting fond memory of our home; one that set the tone for our leaving and one that said something about us as a family. Our annual bathtub photo began just shy of 6 years ago.  Our home was much like a blank canvas, but was also the worst on the block.  Needless to say, the head high weeds in the yard was just the obvious of what needed fixing. Having a baby 1 1/2 days after moving in, was really quite an adventure.  It was not having hot water for 5 weeks following the birth of our second, and trying to remodel a dilapidated home, that really set the tone of our strong characters; smiling through the process.

Our bathroom was one of our first remodels.  We were so proud of it, and absolutely thrilled it was complete, that we chose to use it as the setting for our first Christmas card, in 2008-our new home. It has remained as our Christmas card photo locale.

With our departure so very near, we want to say thanks to all those who have come across our paths. We have truly felt blessed by our friendships. Thank you for giving us your time, and for enriching our lives.

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Movie or Swim?

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As parents know, a day can either go good or bad depending on your children’s moods.  I was pleasantly surprised by my eager to help oldest today for our last garage sale. Doing solo parenting and trying to do a garage sale can be stressful, to say the least.  The other parent, dad, is busy unpacking our belongings in our new home.

He called me after his torturous drive, which he left for on Thursday evening after 11 pm, and arrived Friday at 9 pm, after waking up Thursday am at 5. You do the math!  The only pit stops were pee stops for he and the dog.  Insane!  He was deservingly lying down, and feasting on freshly picked raspberries, cuddled up with our veteran heeler, and resting for his second wind to unpack the Budget rental amongst the chill and light sprinkle.  I on the other hand, was a tad jealous he was there enjoying those conditions while I was sweating like a summer pig in this sticky California heat.

The garage sale did little.  It was so slow that I discounted everything by 1/2 and gave most of it away for free. At least I earned us some gas money, and was able to chat with old friends and new.  As I mentioned in my last post, we have incredible neighbors. Seriously, I wish we could take them with us. Our neighbor Mike woke at 6:30 am to help me pull things out to set up. Honestly, that was so valuable. Our neighbor Marde made us a platter full of cut fruit; the peaches were perfect.  Then, to top off her already thoughtful ways, she later brought freshly made hummus along with persian cucumbers, red bells, pistachios, and pretzel crisps. I could not have been more delighted!  As I said, parenting alone; my mind was in two spots, and a snack was needed and severely appreciated.

So, I followed up that lackluster garage sale, pleased to have it slow and be able to visit with friends.  The girls and I celebrated the end of the sale with some much needed frozen yogurt, a Goodwill donation, and picking up signs.  It was then I realized why there was no foot traffic; the signs had fallen.  Oh well!

So as I prep to paint for the tenants, I allowed my kiddos a choice to swim or watch a video.  I guess their fatigue is a tell all. They chose to relax.  I don’t blame them in the slightest. I can hardly wait to do the same!

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Tears.

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I am a complete mess right now.  Today we picked up the Budget rental truck; all 16 feet of it.  One of our very best friends, Peder Beck and his kind friend Rink assisted in packing the truck in a Tetris style manner, as Kevin and I continued to pack up lingering items.  It was amazing to have their assistance since we didn’t start packing until 5 pm and ended at 9:30 p.m. Amidst the chaos, my children were unattended, and relocated at my neighbors home 2 doors down; who is also their ballet teacher.  We had a couple neighbors filtering in and out to see if we needed anything, and bringing us more boxes.  It made it that much harder having such kindness bestowed upon us. The feeling of gratitude was heavy.

Some of my favorite items did not fit. Though, the receptionist swore that 16 feet would pack a two bedroom home. I had to leave behind my vintage orange armchair with the love tear that is stitched together with blue thread. The children’s Christmas roller coaster did not fit, nor the front porch vintage recliners that I waited 8 years to have stained and find the perfect cushions for.  Many more things that were little just could not fit.  It was both saddening and a realization that they can stay behind and come at a later date.  What we are leaving behind that means much more, are our family, our neighborhood, the kid’s rad school, and our amazing church. Last but not least, friends. Particularly the ones that have become more like family. You know who you are.  We will greatly miss our gatherings, our late night guitar lullabies, potlucks, etc.  You have may this departure incredibly supportive, and we thank you so much for your support.

As I cried in the kitchen,  Kevin and I compared our tight chest and lumps in our throat. I pretty much lost it when my inherited sister called. But, I felt I needed to keep composure for the kids.  So, as I watch them sleep soundly in their sleeping bags on our wood floor, I cannot help but wish I was able to sleep.  I have never, in our almost 13 years of marriage been able to sleep without my hubby.  He departed this evening with our dog in tow.  A boy and his dog.  The girls and their mom.  So strange to be separated in this way.  Much of it felt surreal.  Now, I lay here with phone beside me, typing, and praying for his safe journey.  Praying for his safe return so we can finalize our move and set off together as a family, on this crazy journey.

 

 

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The Garden of Long Beach

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This place is so dear to my heart! In the 2 almost 3 years we’ve attended, we have met some truly amazing people. It is a place that lives out what it preaches.  I will truly miss the depth of which I’ve grown in this time due to the solid teachings.  The lyrics below are part of a song that resounds in me.

 

With every breath I breathe
With every song I sing
I want to shout it out
Lord I am listening
To every word You speak
I’ll go where You will lead
To love the least of these
My greatest offering

 

*** The photo is from the annual church dodgeball team.  Best thing to do is sign up with a team of little kids; they come out on top.

 

 

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Three Arch Bay

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The monument men saved art during the war, and I have a bit of my own history worth saving.

During my process of transcribing my children’s growth chart, that is penned in along the wood trim in their closet to a transportable board, I began to reflect on how stressful the last few months have been.

As weird as it feels to be living amongst boxes upon boxes and our comforting home now echoing, I also feel relief.

Some folks move suddenly and don’t go through as arduous pondering on their decision making. Having made this decision months ago, I’ve had lots of moments of anguish and feelings of doubt. Mainly, this was all due to the things and people I love so dearly that we are leaving behind.

I attribute this wait to strolling down the sandy beach with some of my best buds, with Three Arch Bay as a destination. The rock tunnel leads to scaling rocks to private pools, which then leads to a stretch of ocean you need to time correctly to get to the other side of more rocks you must scale, just to lead you to a rocky platform overlooking a 2 1/2-3 story high drop.

As you gather amongst your friends, some jump quickly and others linger either to enjoy the glorious view or because they’re afraid. The longer you hover there on that edge, glancing below, the harder it gets to make the leap. More doubt creeps into your mind.

But, if you don’t think too long, that jump into the frigid ocean below is rejuvenating and exciting. The brisk swim across the kelp filled lagoon to the shoreline, reminds you the trek was well worth it. This is especially true if this reminds you of how your marriage proposal happened.

The time has exceedingly sped up the last two weeks. That doubt that was stagnant is now obsolete and the anticipation of adventure far out ways the fear.

I know my love affair with California, is not busted. But, I look forward to entangling myself in the beauty of Washington and all it has to offer.

I believe this is a leap of faith; a jump worth the wait.

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Tick Tock, Tick Tock, Strikes the Clock

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Minutes turn to hours and hours turn to days.  The days are rapidly slipping by! Gone is our going away party, that seemed so far away.  The packing has begun.  We are cramming in as many things as possible before that last hour, because we want each moment to count.  As I pack, my daughter’s snuggle alongside one another on our bed. I’ve taken so many of photos of them in this same position, but this time marks a certain memory.  This will be one of the last times in our home with them being so little. I want to capture every moment of their innocence.  Tomorrow will be a new memory, and today’s will slowly slip away.  A picture is worth a thousand words!

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Mattress Masseuse

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I say, turn off that television and spend your time more wisely developing deeper relationship with your loved ones.

I get relaxing. I get zoning out because you’ve had a long day. But what do you get from a television that gives back? It’s a distraction from what is really more important and it keeps you from goals and ambitions.

I would much rather wind down my day with Mattress Masseuse; the massage head rest for your bed. Make your time with your significant other more about each other and less about what’s happening on that box!

Mattress Masseuse; happy beginnings!

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Live Life Intentionally

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Time is one of the richest of commodities. Ditch your television. Spend time intentionally. Enjoy nature. Exercise. Invest hours in relationships: with God, spouse, friends, interests, and volunteering. If you want things to happen and they aren’t, change what you’re doing.  Pursue passions and goals ambitiously. Remember laughter cures blues. Dance crazy. Don’t take life so seriously. If life throws some lemons, fling poo; as a dear friend would say. Crying is not for sissies, sometimes it’s necessary for gaining perspective. Build others up, don’t knock them down. Forgive when need be, and love often. Live simply because things become clutter and people are what’s important. Eat healthfully and break bread with others. A life lived intentionally is a life lived with purpose. Pursue happiness!